Midnight Monologue
by BringBackOliverWood
Summary: Lily is very much with child and against her will is left at home while James battles evildoers for the Order. Outside the walls of their home a tempest rages, yet inside Lily's thoughts a storm of another kind begins to take over. Quick read, oneshot.


The rain beats down on the ground like the heart beating out of my chest. Tears stream down my face as the raindrops glide down the windows. Another crash of thunder sends harsh vibrations through my body while the entire house shakes. Nothing can stop all the terrible thoughts that are screaming inside my head.

They tell me: it has been too long. Why isn't he here? This was to be a quick job, painless…no danger involved. He promised. I can't lose him. I wouldn't be able to survive.

All those thoughts swirling as the lightning illuminates our bedroom. A room that had never felt lonely until tonight. The cold of the wind and rain seeping in under the windows, it makes me shiver. A red jumper that has been casually cast aside catches my eye. As I muster the will to get off the bed I'm struck with a terrible realization…it's his. So I remain stationed on our bed allowing the cold air to bite my skin, wearing just a tank top and hot pants. With the next round of thunder I begin to clutch my stomach for I hear his voice inside my head. I recall a heated discussion from a few days previous.

"Lily, try and understand, please? We all love you, me most of all, and we need you to be safe."

"I am safe, always. I'm more cautious then you'll ever be. James, I'm only pregnant, and my stomach doesn't keep me from holding a wand."

"No, but it keeps you from running as quick as the rest of us."

"Who's running? Tell me, when does the Order of the Phoenix run away?"

"You know what I mean Lily, and I won't let you deny it any longer. Please don't call me insensitive, but… you've gotten big and vulnerable and you're only going to get bigger and slower."

"Thank you for putting it so bluntly. I can really feel your compassion. I didn't request a thirty-pound weight gain to go along with this pregnancy. I didn't ask to be fat and lazy it just happened."

"Lily, honey, look at me. You are not fat, you're just seven months pregnant with my baby Lil."

"Our baby."

"Right, 'our baby'. Listen, everyday since you told me I have never doubted what a great mother you'll be. Everything is hard now, for all of us, but I need you to do this. You can't be in the tough situations anymore. I can't have you in that kind of danger because I can't always protect you."

"I can protect myself. I've proved that to you before, and…James are you crying?"

"Yes…I am. Lily I love you more than I can ever express. I need you…we need this baby because I know once our child comes into the world people will remember why we fight and why we suffer. Please, please promise me that you'll stay away when we ask you to."

"Only if you promise to always come back to me James."

"Nothing can stop me. I promise you Lily Potter…and my little Potter inside you. Nothing can stop me."

That conversation comes into my head if he's ever late. Most times it works to calm and reassure me, but tonight it's different. He's never been this late.

I can feel the clock on his bedside table ticking. Constant ticking and tocking driving me mad. Every beat is telling me that he should have been home one hour, two hours, three and a half hour hours ago. Still, he's not here. I went to the headquarters of the Order before the rain started, but the few who were there knew nothing. After that I was too scarred to contact anyone else. I don't want to miss his arrival.

I've been sitting in this same spot for the last two hours listening to the storm and the clock, losing my sanity while getting lost in my mind. Wait…there's a commotion in the kitchen. I want to see who it is but my body won't move. I hear footsteps it must be him! Yet, the sound is a bit foreign. Tis more of a squelching than the usual steady, solid gait that would normally accompany my husband. If it's really him why hasn't he said anything? He would've called out my name by now surely. In front of me the door is opening…

"Lily? Oh God Lily!" James is rushing to me for I still can't move and I'm crying harder than ever. Now he's lifting me into his arms while I weep and convulse. He's drenched and covered in mud, but I don't care. "You're freezing Lily! Why aren't you wearing any clothes?" James is laughing and gazing around the room, still holding me in his arms. "It was cold outside, but in this room it's miserable. Here, put this on." He spotted his sweater on the floor and is now pulling it over my head. "I didn't think you'd still be awake. I'm sorry I'm so late. They attacked us, ten, fifteen death eaters…it took so long. Then the rain came and we were dodging cursed and rolling in the mud. It was terrible. Look at this, I'm filthy and now you are too." He's let go and is beginning to walk his dirty, sopping body out of the room.

"No!" I grab and pull him back to me. "Don't let go yet."

"Okay." James is calm and gentle. " I suppose you've been awake all this time?" I nod. "Without any news of course. It must have been horrible for you to be here all alone." He's now gazing into my bloodshot eyes.

"Did we, did we lose anyone?" I don't want to ask that question but it needs to be answered.

"No." He shakes his head and gives a half smile. "Thankfully. There were a few minor injuries, but everyone made it."

"That's, that's wonderful. James?"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me." He obeyes with the best kiss he's given me in weeks.

"I'm so tired, and I made such a mess." Sighing he begins to peal off his clothing. Finally turning on the light I realize how dirty it is.

"James you tracked mud all over the carpet." Now down to just his shorts and undershirt he shoots me an apologetic look. "I don't care, we'll fix it in the morning. I want to sleep now that I know you're safe."

After changing into pajamas and getting into bed he's settling in beside me, rubbing my ever-enlarging belly.

"James, are you expecting a genie to pop out and grant you three wishes?"

"No, I've already had all my wishes fulfilled."

"Really all of your wishes?"

"Well, there is one…I wish the baby would come sooner. I can't wait to see it. Good-night Lily."

"Good-night James, I love you." He needs to know before this night is over.

"Lil, I love you more."


End file.
